


These Four Words

by Cas_tellations



Series: The Stars Above Us, Declaring Our Fate. [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Kissing, M/M, its a break up fic, makingout, mentions of being drunk/high?, slight smut but not really, theres no fluff this isn't happy im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 00:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8266328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_tellations/pseuds/Cas_tellations
Summary: Lowkey based on the song 'These four words' by The Maine. (Listen to it, it's good.) (and Into Your Arms)“What do you mean?” Phil asks again, desperation overlaying his voice, wanting just to go back in time, just to go back to the time where everything was okay. “Dan.” Phil speaks his name softly, perhaps too softly for what Dan had just told him. “Dan, look at me.” Phil reaches forwards with his hand, hooking it under Dan’s chin and forcing it upwards, so that Phil could properly see his face.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hope you enjoy pls leave comments and kudos because theyre v nice okay bye have a lovely day/night
> 
> (It's short because i seem to be incapable of sticking to an idea for longer than 5 minutes lol thats nice isn't it)
> 
>  
> 
> Edit; I'm writing a pt. 2!! Get ready!

 

 

 

_ He can still taste Him on his lips, the hint of smoke and honey, dancing on his tongue and through the air. He can still feel him, his arms around him, his chin resting on his shoulder and his fingers tracing their way lazily up and down his spine. He can still hear the sound of his voice, shaping song lyrics into a beautiful song just for him. He feels the gaping hole that is the only thing left of him, eating away at him.  _

 

“I don’t love you anymore.” The words were sharp, cutting into Phil in every single way possible.

 

_ I don’t love you.  _

 

“What do you mean?” Phil asks, his voice not wavering. 

 

The younger boy looks at his feet, letting his hands fiddle with the hem of his jumper. His chin is wobbling and his hair is curling, the rain spattering over both of them. 

 

He doesn’t respond, ending up just looking small and pitiful, his pastel jumper sticking to his thin frame. 

 

“What do you mean?” Phil asks again, desperation overlaying his voice, wanting just to go back in time, just to go back to the time where everything was okay. 

 

“Dan.” Phil speaks his name softly, perhaps too softly for what Dan had just told him. 

 

“Dan, look at me.” Phil reaches forwards with his hand, hooking it under Dan’s chin and forcing it upwards, so that Phil could properly see his face. 

 

Dan’s face is isn’t tear-streaked, not that Phil had thought that it would be, but looked determined, but sadness overrode all other emotions. 

 

Dan tried to pull away from Phil, tried to escape from his grasp and just go somewhere,  _ anywhere,  _ that wasn’t here. 

 

“What do you mean?” Phil repeated, one holding onto Dan’s forearm, preventing his efforts to get away. 

 

“I-I just…. I c-can’t…” Dan hiccuped, wrenching his eyes away from Phil’s ripping himself away from Phil’s hand, on the verge of crying. 

 

Phil stared at him for a few seconds, feeling the all too familiar lump in his throat. 

 

“You.” He began, “You can’t just tell me that y-you  _ don’t love me anymore,  _ and then not take even a second. Not even a second, to just explain  _ why?”  _

 

_ The air is taut between them, millions of unsaid words and helpless feelings expanding and pulsing, emotions racing around like a hurricane of stardust, billions of universes collapsing down upon them in an instant. Broken words and lost love scattered throughout the atmosphere. Dozens of memories are floating through their heads, good ones of late-night kisses and sleepy cuddles, hugs on cold days and promises whispered when the other felt lost. Bad ones, of being drunk and high, blurting out whatever comes to mind, or drunkenly making out with someone else.  _

 

The rain is hard and cold and Phil just wants to leave, but Dan’s standing in front of him and saying that he doesn’t love him and not explaining why and Fuck why had he always been like this? 

 

“I’m  _ sorry. _ ” Dan eventually gasps out, a sob escaping him after the words are said. He balls up his fists, feeling the dull pain of his fingernails digging into his palms. 

 

_ This pain, the physical pain, it stops the emotional wreck of his mind telling him to do the wrong things. When he could feel pain, then he could think straight, it wasn’t rocket science. Any sort of physical pain would make the void in his heart slow to an eventual stop, allowing him to get the fuck over it.  _

 

He bites the inside of his mouth, drawing blood, tasting the metallicness of it on his tongue.    
  
Phil is still staring at him, demanding an answer. He deserves an answer, he really does. But Dan doesn’t have the right one for him right now, maybe not ever. 

 

_ Is it the truth? Do you really not love me anymore?  _

 

“Phil…” Dan tries, but flinching as his eyes meet Phil’s. His voice is broken and scratchy, sounding as if it hasn’t been properly used for days, if not weeks. 

 

Phil shakes his head, not reaching for Dan like he usually did when Dan was crying. 

 

The tears are racing down both of their cheeks, mixing with the rain.

 

_ Can we go back in time? Together, back when it all worked?  _

 

“Just tell me the reason.” Phil manages to whisper after an extended amount of silence. 

 

“We-” Dan takes a step back, wondering vaguely if Phil would try to stop him if he just turned around and ran. “We- We just… I-I can’t” Dan stammers, cutting off his voice before it breaks completely. 

 

_ What did I do wrong? _

 

The rain is falling hard onto their heads, the clouds blocking out the moon and countless constellations that usually shone down on them relentlessly. 

 

_ His hands are curled into his hair, their lips pressed together feverently and needily, lips rough against his neck, biting and nibbling, sucking between kissed. His back is arching, his hips being thrust forwards for some kind of friction. He feels him pull away, his voice softly asking if this was what he really wanted. He couldn’t reply with a yes fast enough, lacing his hands behind his neck and pulling him back down, his tongue eagerly licking inside his mouth, his lips causing him to slowly go insane, being taken over with his poison, drinking it all in like a drug that he couldn’t stop doing. He felt his hands wandering over his body, slipping beneath his pastel jumper and running his fingers around his nipples, before grabbing them and squeezing, at the same time assaulting his neck with his mouth, marking it almost beyond recognition. He is whining and whimpering, not even trying to hold it back, feeling the other boy’s body fluidly being pressed onto of him, a knee rutting between his thighs and swiping off both the pastel jumper and the white T-shirt underneath in one motion. His hands are trailer over his chest, the fingertips gradually trailer down farther and farther, until his palm is pressed just against his waist line. He paused there, drawing his head back to send one last questioning glance to the other boy. It’s desperate and needy, soft and gentle, it’s loud and quiet, it’s fast and slow, it’s rough and hard, it’s everything and nothing.  _

 

“Dan!” His voice isn’t soft and gentle anymore, it’s filled with pain and determination, a deadly combination. 

 

The younger boy tries to turn and leave, but the older one grabs him with a frown and keeps his grip around the other boy’s wrist tight. 

 

“Just tell me  _ why. _ ” Phil practically yells, only glaring more when Dan flinches at his hard tone. 

 

Dan shakes his head. 

 

“I-I just don’t l-love you.” Dan stammers out, his voice shaky and his body shivering from cold. 

 

_ I don’t love you.  _

_ I don’t love you. _

_ I don’t love you. _

 

The four words are racing through Phil’s head, he can’t understand  _ why.  _ What did he do wrong? Was it because he didn’t buy Dan enough presents, or did he perhaps not hug him tight enough, not kiss him hard enough, not listen well enough? Or was it simply that Dan didn’t love  _ him,  _ not what Phil hadn’t done. Maybe Phil hadn’t done anything. Maybe it was all just Dan. 

 

Dan’s arm slips from Phil’s grip, he doesn’t make any attempt to try and take it back into his hold. 

 

_ I don’t love you. _

_ I don’t love you. _

_ I don’t love you. _

 

Phil’s standing there, Dan’s just inches away, but he might as well be on the other side of the fucking universe, he was so far away. 

 

The silence between them is un-tamable, it’s screaming out like a million galaxies collapsing. It’s expanding, pulsing and turning, preventing anyone from speaking anything at all. The words are on the tip of their tongues, but they can’t choke them out, instead they died in their mouths, never making it to the other’s ears. 

 

You can’t see the stars above them, but you still know that they’re there. They’re always there. Kind of like the emotions, raging between the two boys. Fear, pain, love, hatred, floating like a raft over a sea of hurricanes. 

 

The galaxies stretch on over them, but their minds are only on each other, everything else being pushed to the back of their brains where it wouldn’t bother them at the current moment. 

 

The wind is roaring, the skies are opening up above them, but the storm doesn’t seem to properly effect the two of them, because they’re existing in a bubble of silence, letting the noise float away, not being taken in by either of them. Their attention is on each other, but impossibly at the same time thinking about anything but the other person. 

 

“One more for the road, then?” Phil eventually manages to fight through the invisible barrier that had been suspended between them. His voice is steady and gentle, so like Dan was used to hearing it like. 

 

Dan’s eyes meet Phil’s, both of them swimming in tears and self-doubt. 

 

“Why not?” Phil thinks he hears Dan mutter under his breath before his hands are slipping around Phil’s waist, and he is pushing himself up onto his tiptoes, making himself just tall enough to be level with Phil, only pausing for a second before pressing his lips to Phil’s, feeling Phil instantly bring his arms up around Dan’s body, holding him gently but strong all at the same time, letting his fingers make their way to the curly mess that was Dan’s hair, tangling his hands though it, feeling Dan’s tongue flick into his mouth, leading  them into a sloppy open-mouthed kiss, too hard and desperate, but nice all at the same time. 

  
Eventually, they break apart and Phil doesn’t hesitate in turning around and walking away quickly, not leaving with a goodbye, or even a backwards glance. 

 

He feels Dan’s gaze burning into his back all the way home, remembering the way that his soft brown eyes had been bloodshot from crying, the way his chin trembled and his hands shook with the effort of trying to get the words to leave his mouth. 

 

_ I don’t love you. _

 

_ Was it a lie? _

 

_ Yes, no, maybe.  _

 

_ I’m falling in love, _

_ But it’s falling apart, _

_ I need to find a way back to the start. _

_ When we were in love. _

_ Oh things were better than they are. _

_ Let me back into. _

_ Into your arms. _

_ Into your arms. _

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi did you like that?  
> I hope you did.  
> I wrote it in like a half hour im not proud of it but I am still happy that it turned out to be less shit than I originally expected it to be. 
> 
> Okay bye ily leave comments for me to read because they make me happy xxx


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